There’s just something about the perfect movie experience that elicits emotion from even the most stoic of human beings. While there are countless films out there that will bring you to tears over the drama of the human condition, there are just as many that will wrap you up into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.
From the witty to the just plain idiotic, these 25 hilarious movie quotations from both classic and modern films will have you cancelling your plans and staying in for a movie night to catch up on your favorites.
“Tigers love cinnamon. They hate pepper.” -Alan in The Hangover
Simply because we need more wisdom from Alan in our lives, we are devastated that the cast members of The Hangover claim that the trilogy won’t be followed up by a fourth installment. We’re just praying to the gods of comedy that their minds change so Alan and the cinnamon-loving tiger can be reunited with us once again.
“Marriage is like a tense, unfunny episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Only it doesn’t last 22 minutes; it lasts forever.” –Pete in Knocked Up
There’s a reason that producers brought Paul Rudd’s character, Pete, back in its follow-up film, This is 40, five years after Knocked Up was released: Pete is the perfect example of that panicky guy everyone knows who is absolutely hilarious without knowing it, and the proof lies in this quotation.
“You know that metal plate in my head? I had to have it replaced because every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for a half hour or so.” –Eddie in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
We don’t blame Eddie for not wanting to experience memory loss once again by gliding down a hill on a metal saucer with the Griswold family. After all, it was imperative for him to save his strength and energy for draining his trailer’s commode into the public sewer system later in the day.
“I’ve been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I’ve come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains.” –Rob in High Fidelity
High Fidelity is one of those amazing films that can withstand the test of time because everyone can identify with it in one way or another. Anyone who claims that he has never experienced the feeling Rob expresses in this quotation is a liar, or perhaps he is just Kanye West.
“Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room.”- Merkin in Dr. Strangelove
While most people under the age of forty have probably never even heard of this film, Dr. Strangelove is perhaps the funniest movie of all time due to darkly satirical witticisms like this one that exist throughout the entire picture. Can you name any other movie that has been awarded 100% positive reviews from critics on the website Rotten Tomatoes? Yeah, we didn’t think so.
“Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?” –Shelley in The House Bunny
Shelley’s comments throughout The House Bunny may seem like ridiculous things that no one would actually say in real life, but ask any server in any restaurant, and he will have tons of hilarious comments just like this one from actual customers to share with you. We hope that this movie stopped anyone from ever ordering one mahi again when dining out.
“I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.”-Ron Burgundy in Anchorman
Thank you, Ron Burgundy, for teaching our generation so much about the important things in life. You have taught us with this quotation that as long as we look and smell smart, then we are the most important, intelligent people in the world.
“Your wedding is going to be huge, just like your ass at prom.” –Emma in Bride Wars
While Bride Wars is filled with countless “girl fight” attacks of both verbal and physical natures, this one has to be our absolute favorite. Did Emma seriously just bring it back to high school? Shut up! No, she didn’t!
“Story of my life. I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop.” –Sugar in Some Like it Hot
We love the hilarious lines that Marilyn Monroe’s character throws out throughout the classic flick Some Like it Hot, but this one takes the cake. Let’s face it: There’s nothing worse than a fuzzy lollipop, no matter how old you are.
“I see you’re drinking 1%. Is that because you think you’re fat? Because you’re not. You could be drinking whole, if you wanted to.” -Napoleon in Napoleon Dynamite
This quotation should be in an official guide of pick-up lines for the smoothest guys around. After all, we all know that no one drinks 1% unless she thinks she looks like a whale.
“This is so awkward. I really want to leave, but I don’t know how to do it without sounding like a dick.” –Ted in Bridesmaids
As sad as this may be, most of us have been on a date with someone like Ted in Bridesmaids. As horrible as the experience undoubtedly was, imagine how terrible it would be to have this line thrown at you when you’re in your lingerie! Thank you, Ted, for making us feel better about our own pathetic romantic lives; at least we haven’t encountered you on a date.
“I’m Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded. –Brick in Anchorman
The humor behind Brick Tamland’s lines in Anchorman is so offensive and politically incorrect that we know we should be shaking our heads in dismay and disapproval, but instead we just can’t stop laughing. We think it’s physically and emotionally impossible to not see Brick and respond by smiling and giggling.
“Hey, don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.” – Alvy in Annie Hall
Take one look at Woody Allen, and you will realize that this line is obviously based on his real life experiences. Enough said.
“Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value life more.” –Virginia Woolf in The Hours
Surely one of the darker quotations on this list, Virginia Woolf’s words in The Hours are also laughingly true. You’re being dishonest if you refuse to admit that you haven’t iconized someone only after death, or that you have been unable to see the beauty in life until you have compared your own strife to someone else’s extreme loss.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, which doesn’t say much for you.” –Captain Spaulding in Animal Crackers
What starts out as a compliment doesn’t necessarily have to end as one, with this quotation from Captain Spaulding in the classic film Animal Crackers being definite proof of such an assertion.
“If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.” –Clark in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
Thank you, Clark Griswold, for providing us with so many ways to respond to a horrific situation without blatantly calling people names or admitting that we would rather go to Hell than have them as guests in our home.
“Bring something into this house that’s gonna take all the nutrition out of our food and then light our house on fire? Thank God for me.” –Rosalyn in American Hustle
There’s nothing as valuable as an intelligent housewife who thinks on her feet and saves the whole family from danger and strife, and American Hustle’s Rosalyn certainly tops the list of the most responsible stay at home mothers. After all, she’s the only one who truly questioned the arrival of the science oven!
“Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye.” –Jeremy in Wedding Crashers
Tattoos have been a means of personal expression since the beginning of time. We don’t mean to sound stereotypical, but a lower back tattoo is called a “tramp stamp” for good reason, as this quotation from Wedding Crashers confirms.
“The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It’s a good non-specific symptom; I’m a big believer in it.” –Ferris in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
High school students everywhere have Ferris Bueller to thank not only for making “skip days” socially acceptable, but also for providing them with a long list of innovative ways to fake sickness for impromptu days at home. After all, everyone needs the occasional day off for the sake of mental health and emotional wellbeing, right?
“We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.” –Buddy in Elf
Confirming all of our childhood fantasies about life at the North Pole, Buddy has given us an undeniably strong yearning to be tiny, human-like creatures that slave away around the clock in Santa’s workshop.
“The only woman pretty enough not to wear a ton of makeup was Elizabeth Taylor, and she wore a ton!” –Violet in August: Osage County
We knew it! Just like the actress who plays her (Meryl Streep), Violet must be a bra-burning, ultra-liberal feminist.
“Who the hell is Julius Caesar? You know I don’t follow the NBA!” –Ron in Anchorman 2
We are convinced that Ron Burgundy is the only character in film history that has truly gotten away with uttering the most racist and bigoted remarks we could possibly ever dream up. Perhaps even worse, we’re also convinced that there is no character that makes us laugh more than he does.
“Come on, Kate. It’s time to put your mouth where our balls are.” –Peter in Dodgeball
Call us immature, but any line with an inappropriate innuendo cracks us up every time, and this line in which Peter addresses the only female player from Dodgeball has us dying of laughter fits whenever we hear it.
“Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin’ there in your ghost manger, just lookin’ at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin’ ’bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin’ me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.” –Ricky Bobby in Talladega Nights
As absurd as Ricky Bobby is in Talladega Nights, this particular quotation is so hilarious because we can probably all think of a Nascar driver who is having a very similar exchange with Jesus at the dinner table right about now. But wait, which Jesus do you think he’s praying to, the baby or the man?
“I’m going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!” –Brennan in Stepbrothers
Forget throwing punches or shoves; Brennan is all about invoking the most extreme bodily harm in the least amount of time. And honestly, is there really a better way to do that than filling a bag with rock hard soap?